Dear God. Countries to be shown no mercy in the forthcoming deluge- part II

Dear Creator of heaven and earth,

I thought a little formality today as it’s your day and the business in hand is really serious.  Anyway, continuing the list of those countries whose record in human affairs put them in the front line for total destruction in the forthcoming Second Deluge:

1.  All European former colonial powers

OK, so, UK, France.  I’ll deal with Spain and Portugal later (see ‘The Garlic Belt’ below).  I also haven’t included Belgium, Germany or the Netherlands just yet as they were minor colonial powers and not very seriously into world domination….well, Germany was but that’s a different story.  Actually, the Netherlands were serious colonisers; they had all of Java, (now Indonesia) but my problem with the Netherlands is that, in the forthcoming Great Flood, they will simply keep pumping because that’s what they’re good at and they know how to do it. I suspect that when the world is under water, there will still be dry land where the Netherlands is.  God help us.  All those caravans and Gouda.  The meteorite idea may be worth thinking about to deal with these difficult countries.

Right, back to the bad guys.  France and UK basically colonised the world and forced their culture on those poor unsuspecting countries while they weren’t looking.  So we have stale baguettes in Africa and the Far East and cricket in India, Pakistan, West Indies…everywhere really, both crimes against humanity that would be enough to condemn these countries without anything else.  I remind you of the ‘What did the Romans ever do for us?’ item on Monty Python (I know from our earlier correspondence how much you loved ‘The Life of Brian’).  Well, that also applies here.  it doesn’t matter what the Romans did for us.  We didn’t want it.  They didn’t want it.  The colonial mindset is basically one of theft, domination and racial discrimination that would be out of place in a post-deluge world.  At least for a time.  There’ll be plenty of time for New Mankind to develop new forms of discrimination.  How is Brian, by the way?

2.  Belgium

Belgium was an accident of history and should never have existed.  It didn’t exist before 1830; half French, half Dutch, each side hates the other and yet the country claims to be at the centre of Europe.  The only famous Belgians exist in comic books or novels.  Belgians are a waste of food.

3.  Switzerland

The Swiss are too organised and scary to survive.  Have you ever seen a piece of litter in Zurich?  There has to be some imperfection in the post-deluge world because only God is perfect, as the Muslims say.  BTW, the flood has got to be a pretty good one as Switzerland is quite high so you might want to give more consideration to the meteorite scenario.

4.  The Garlic Belt

Spain, Italy, Portugal, Greece.  I was rather rude about Britain’s record as a colonist but they at least UK left those countries a bit better organised than when they found them.  Spain and Portugal failed to achieve this on a massive scale, they simply exported chaos, siesta, corruption, inefficiency, whilst stealing anything of value.  Please have a look at every country in South America and I really don’t need to go any further.  This colonial excess continued until they were thrown out…by themselves.  Really!  They exported their people who then turned against the mother country.  Talk about insubordination and betrayal.  If you want to see the wealth of South America, look at Madrid.  Brazil?  see Lisbon.  I have included Greece and Italy because they are essentially indolent, lazy, corrupt and criminally disorganised.  Only in Italy could half of the country be dominated by the mafia.  Only in Greece could the treasures of European culture be allowed to crumble in a cloud of contamination and pollution.  It beggars belief that the Romans and Greeks dominated the known word but that was only because the world had not yet learnt how to speak English. I know, of course that you speak English, sir.  Anyway that was all 2000 years ago.  Italy further compounds its crime by adopting Christianity and corrupting the original idea with their demonic, so-called Roman Catholic Church which then continued to dominate, corrupt and impoverish the world for the next 1500 years.  At least the Greeks didn’t force their stupid team of gods on the world.  Unless you really are one of them.  If so, I apologise profusely.  On the other hand, I don’t see how you could be Zeus because you speak English so well (I have seen all of those great Hollywood epics).

5.  All countries in South and Central America

Please see above then add drugs and panpipes.  Need I say more?

I will give this matter further thought and get back to you tomorrow.

PS, although I live in Portugal, my boat is coming on well and I plan to leave the moment I see the wall of water approaching.  My dog is on lookout.

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