The darking bogs

OK, it’s definitely Friday today.  We were sitting outside last night enjoying what should have been a tranquil clear evening and purple sunset.  Now, I don’t want to appear to be xenophobic but there are one or two differences between the Portuguese and we from the frozen wastelands of the north.  For us, pets are cherished, fed, pampered and kept under control.  You almost never heard a barking dog in Germany, and, if you did, it was shortly followed by a sharp rebuke and a silver silence. 

We live in quite a nice area, all palms  pools and villas, mostly owned by expats.  Opposite, however, is the residence of a Portuguese family.  I know they’re Portuguese, not because I’ve met them, but because they go out at night (don’t ask) and leave their dogs outside to bay at the moon or bark at nothing for hour after hour after excruciating hour.  You’d think they’d get sore throats.  They’re not even nice dogs; they’re mangy scruffs and the sound they make reflects their appearance.  They’re not like our barking dogs – they sound noble and well brought-up, they do the minimum barking necessary to show that they’re around, then curl up and sleep.  No, these are darking bogs, a little spoonerism concocted accidentally by Luis last night, and it suits them down to their fleabitten coats.  I suppose we should be grateful that they don’t do what most Portuguese do, and that is to leave the dogs out all night, like cats.  The cats stay indoors, of course.  But they don’t bark.

I have thought of poisoned steak but that might spark a vendetta and it’s cruelty to dumb animals (not wishing to be too specific with that reference) and we love animals, after all.   Humane drowning or a Korean curry are next on the list but neither really appeals.  Earplugs might work, or Wagner at full volume  but then the other Germans would set up their chairs ouside to listen and set up Wurst bars, etc.  No that’s not going to work.   And the dogs might like it.

Away from darking bogs and back to the book.  I’ve more or less decided that the hero is Rupert Penry-Jones and he has a nerdy side-kick who does all the IT research for their section; he’s based on James McAvoy and a bit like Penelope Garcia in the TV series Criminal Minds.  Katja is, of course the fab Uma Thurman.  We start in a scene where the paint is still wet on the new Agency and they are awaiting the arrival of Katja, a minor celebrity in Germany as she is an ex-Tornado pilot who served in Iraq with the RAF.  Take it from there. 

I think I’m ready to start writing.  Darking bogs permitting.


5 Responses to The darking bogs

  1. Naomi says:

    Had a thought, how about Kevin Whately (currently in Lewis). or of course you could go for Mark Harmon… hmm, first thought was Daniel Craig, but he’s too obvious. RPJ is OTT!

  2. Alanboy says:

    I live in the Philippines, where barking dogs is the second most offensive noise to sensitive North European ears.
    Dogs here are also uncontrolled. They breed like rats. When in packs they behave like rats.
    Dogs are the number 1 killers here. Ask any motorcyclist.
    Of course, bleeding nuisances (I’m so sorry – I mean hearts) from the UK put pictures up on the internet of ‘cute’ Fidos and Rovers from overseas, and expound on what terrible lives they have to lead. They hope stupid (I’m so sorry – I mean sympathetic) people will donate to help their plight.
    Oh, the folly!
    BTW, karaoke is the number 1 noise. I do, of course, mean offensive noise.

  3. Cristina says:

    The noise … that’s the first thing I have noticed when going back to Spain (apart from the sun). Why are we so noisy? and why I have not realized before? It’s not only the dogs barking, it’s also the people talking loud everywhere, shouts, car’s horns … The good news is that once you get used the noise dissappears.

  4. rogerjhardy says:

    Hi Cristina…Portuguese groups in restaurants always amuse me; they’re all talking at the same time and no one is listening to anything except themselves! Oh, well, it takes all sorts.

    Alanboy…I sympathise but we are bleeding hearts ourselves; both our doigs and the cat were dragged off the streets and are now happy and well-adjusted monsters. We are also surround3ed by donkewy sanctuaries and the like…all run by the strange northern Europeans.

    Naomi…OK, RPJ is out. I have decided to base Hayward on a combination of me and James Bond. ie, he will be impatient, intolerant and not suffer fools gladly. He’ll hate procedures and believes that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Thye JB bits I’ll have to work on…starting with a vodka Martini!

  5. Fashionista says:

    I am surrounded by darking bogs.
    I have resort to graffiti to get my point across.
    “NO MORE BARKING!” etc, etc.
    Thrown enough stones that the side of their house looks like bullet ridden warlord bunker in Somalia.
    Even had the local rangers issue the owners with fines. All to no avail 😦
    Time for drastic measures!
    Korean BBQ and betteries wrapped in steak were among other ideas. Now I just habour the ambitions of Mr. D. Berkowitz when he was harassed by a yapping canine.
    Wagner I have done. Chopin, Beethoven. All the masters. Musically, I find Dimmu Borgir drowns out the din nicely 😉

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